MillyWrites

You have taken the place of heartbreak and have settled yourself well within the perimeters of my heart.

Everyday and Everynight you are with me like a watch dog waiting to attack minus the waiting.

You have become the catastrophe that my soul is still trying to survive from. Your presence lingers within like an bad omen that has occured and there is no reverse.

I have held on to you not because of love but because of the lack there of. 

You became the last memory of the man I almost loved. He was convinced that what you’ve done to me, I have done to him and that was far from the truth.

Dear HURT, when I couldn’t have him, you chose me but now I’m ready to be better again and showcase myself without you.

I’m ready to be a new woman without you, to love without you and take risks without you. Hurt…you have no place in my heart anymore.

You were good to inhale but deadly to my body. I wish I could go back to that night and untie our souls so that I still wouldn’t have you inside me. The day you walked away it was as though you transformed into a cold blooded gunmen and you shot me to the ground,me laying in a pool of my own blood leaving me for dead. I feel like A recovering trauma patient with reoccurring flashbacks remembering every detail of the day you almost killed me. The day you walked away you probably thought that this would be a another ordinary heartbreak that I will get over and probably never remember but see brotha you’re wrong I’m not an ordinary female and I don’t have ordinary heartbreaks because my love is stupendous, refreshingly authentic but you never gave my love a chance. So when you walked away with my virtue as a token of trust that I had for you this became more than a heartbreak…This became a crime.

Life as I know it cannot be figured out. Who wise and who foolish can say that they have the answer?
All we can do is live. Live by our morals and values and fight for what’s right when we witness an injustice.
Let’s love with big hearts and take off the limitations.
What good is your heart to others if you disregard it’s fullest potential.
Let’s try to work on out fears until it no longer controls us.
Fear is not the master that we ought to be serving. 
Let’s unite in prayer when the sun is shinning and when the storm is coming.
Let us be to each other that person we can turn to when he/she has walked away
and be there to stand in the gap between loyal and love.
Let’s not believe the lies that our mistakes have told us.
Let’s turn skeptics into believers, haters into lovers and lost hope in faith…together.
This is my proposal. Will you accept? 

When one chapter ends another begins.
The beginning of something new always seem risky, outrageous and down right insane.
To make the decision to step into the unknown is like deciding to go into the desert.
Today I had to accept that of myself that I can’t live and do what everyone else does and it scared me.
 Conventional living has never been an option no matter how I tried.
I have failed more than I’ve succeeded but at this sudden turning point of a moment in my life failure isn’t what’s happening to me.
An awakening is taking place and I am no longer in despair nor entrapped.
Freedom bells are ringing and I am dreaming again. 

Substitutes always seem better than the real thing but substitutes are limited and never satiate the void that one attempts to fill with vanity. Emptiness leaves room for pleasurable needs that need to be met at the wrong time for a desperate moment.  Who can stop a foolish woman in her tracks when no one is watching her? Who can hold her accountable for her repeat offenses?  She kept trying to hang herself on that noose of guilt but she gets off too easily. What happened to the tears that she use to cry? What happened to the disgust that she use to feel? That void must be eating up her senses because she didn’t feel the wrong in her wrongs and she stopped asking God for forgiveness.
 Foolish woman, do you no longer heed spiritual wisdom and risk heaven for hell? Ignorance is only bliss to those who are unknowledgeable but you are not. Forsake not yourself in warfare only to lose yourself carelessly. Foolish woman, take a stance and fight.

I want to believe that you can love me.

That I won’t have to worry about you turning your back on me because it’s getting

pretty old dealing with men who can’t face and workout their issues so they hurt

me instead.

I am getting tired of picking up the pieces of my heart and reconstruct it only to

leave it intact and solid for another man to step in and deconstruct it.

I want to believe that I can share myself with you mentally and emotionally and

take things slow and you not mind because you genuinely care about me.

I want to believe that I won’t have to have to be afraid of you leaving me because

I chose to be celibate until I am certain that you’re not here to steal my goods like

a thief in the night only to leave me empty, hopeless and insecure.

I want to believe that we both can have a child’s heart and play until laughter 

belches from the pits of our belly and know that I’ve found the best playmate ever.

I want to believe that with you there’s a good chance that I will have a place in 

your heart so that long after if we ever break up you won’t treat me like a one 

stand and handle me like trash.

I want to believe that you can love me, so help my unbelief and make me believe.